Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
