ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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