He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
