I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
