If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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