True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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