before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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