Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
