your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
