She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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