be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
