If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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