How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
