I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
