i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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