Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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