I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
