man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
