Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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