i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
