You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
