Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
