And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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