Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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