alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
