dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
