I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
