my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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