this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
