Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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