Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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