It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
