you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
