May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
