Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
