I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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