You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
