This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
