Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
