i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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