Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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