they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
