Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
