I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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