I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
