Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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