I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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