I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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