I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
