i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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