you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
