From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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