he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
