Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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