Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
