I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
