you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
