we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
