Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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