I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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