I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
