My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
