Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
